Friday, January 13, 2006

The "King Solomon- The Wisest and Most Off the Derech of All Men" Series- Pt II

I realized, after doing
The 1st King Solomon Post that King Solomon was fertile territory to mine. In fact, I believe that Shlomo HaMelech more or less undermines every aspect of how frummies think "real" judaism works.

From kashrus to ketubas, from theology to theodicy, from chinuch to chassidus- King Solomon's life explodes all myths. All you need to do is a close reading and you will soon see the following:

1. Halachos of marriage, intermarriage, and adultery were irrelevant to King Solomon;
2. Halachos of idolotry were irrelevant to him (previously covered);
3. So-called "Oral Law" was unknown to Shlomo, and came long after he died,despite all the nice talmudic tales about how his father King David studied torah, including oral law;
4. Halachos of conversion;
5. That it was just fine with HaShem for a man to have concubines (in Solomon's case hundreds of them). Concubine = woman sex slave. Exactly how moral is HaShem anyway? Apparently not very, even according to the rabbis who banned this practice. Of course, we know there are many chareidim who hold of prostitution, but Rav Elyashev is too busy with banned books claiming the universe is older than 6,000 years...

Today's Topic:
"King Solomon- The Wisest Jew, Who Married Hundreds of Goyim and Whose Children Were Goyim"

We know from 1 Kings 11 that King Solomon had sex with "many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites." The next phrase says sleeping with gentiles was banned in the torah. And we know you at least can't marry a Moabite deorisa. I'm surprised this guy didn't marry an Amalekite as well.

We also know that "he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines." Notably it then says only "his wives turned away his heart," not his concubines.

We also know that "when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods."

Now, let's see how many halachos those 3 sentences undermine, shall we ...

1. Adultery- King Solomon had sex during marriage with other women.
2. Intermarriage- He married goyim. Now, whenever I would ask a Rabbi in my early BT days, how it came to be that intermarriage was banned, given that so many biblical figures intermarried, most notably Moshe, I was given the apologetic answer "well, that's simple- the women converted!"

However, as we can see here- there was absolutely NO CONVERSION of these gentile wives. They actively participated in idol worship and in Solomon's golden years, persuaded him to worship idols and gods and goddesses and to build alters to all of the above.

It is noteworthy that the perek does not claim Solomon's children were therefore gentiles because of their non-jewish mothers. In fact, one of his sons became the next King!

And, let's not forget- one of the descendants of one of these non-convert intermarriages is supposed to be the messiah! A goy will be messiah? Hmmm. This makes all the hoops the talmudists jump through to explain Esther's intermarriage (she was really just a sex slave/concubine of a Persian king) since she too is an ancestor of the moschiach, supposedly.

Let's talk about all you hear about OJ marriage. You need a chuppah, a ketuba, tanaim, yichus, the whole shebang. Then sheva brachas.

Thus, if this stuff was really Oral Law and known in Solomon's time, one would expect him to have had:

1. 1,000 ketubas
2. 1,000 shona rishonas! (simultaneously?)
3. 7,000 sheva brachas (that's 19 years of sheva brachas, again unless he did them simultaneously!!!)
4. 1,000 weddings (assuming most of his "weddings" were just sexual encounters), that's still 2.7 YEARS of weddings. Did he marry on Shabbos? It wouldn't matter to the wives, since they weren't shomer shabbos anyway.
5. No brisim for his sons, since they were gentiles.
6. No need to do Jewish chinuch for his kids since they were gentiles. Therefore, no mitzva to follow the Shema "teach these words to your children," was there if they were goyim?

It's rather absurd, this religion. The next time you hear some frummie extolling the importance of this mitzva or that, ask yourself- "what would King Shlomo do?"