I'm OUTTA HERE!
I haven't been remotely observant for a long time. I realized as I was driving to the bank during Rosh HaShona how great it is to not have hang-ups about going about my life as I like. Judaism is so low on the totem pole, folks, it simply isn't worth the guilt and the hang-ups that are the fabric of it all.
Even when I intellectually knew Orthodoxy wasn't for me and was turning the lights on and using the computer on Shabbos, there was an initial stage of guilt. I'm here to say that 90% of people's observance isn't fear of god, it's fear of their neighbors. I know so many outwardly observant people that "transgress" when in private. What a sick culture Orthodox Judaism has created! It all boils down to Freudian analysis. OJ causes a lot of people to repress a lot of normal urges. It also demands repression of one's own intellect, one's own doubts.
Not a single Rabbi starts off admitting the Torah might be false, might be manmade, might be full of lies and errors. In fact, they start off assuming the truth of that which is impossible to prove true! No wonder they do so many things in secret... even they don't buy it.
Social pressure. Well, I could care less about that. Consider what the Rubashkins do in private. Or the Kolko's or the Mondrowitz's. Or the Aaron Feldman's, Elyashev's and on and on.
In public, they are pious, in private they are demons. There is absolutely no reason to give this religion even lip-service anymore.
Y'all are on your own. My advice, whether to Ex-Gadol Hador and the rest: Ditch OJ now, there is so much more to life than the time you waste obsessing about judaism.
Best to you all.
posted by BTA at 12:15 AM
7 Comments:
BTA, if this is the end to your blog, I'm sorry to see you go. I've enjoyed your posts. I hope you'll stick around.
Welcome to the land of the free! ;-)
As you know, we disagree on quite a bit. B'hatzlacha to you regardless; I do hope that whatever you end up doing, you're happy.
First and foremost: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
I am not Orthodox. Instead, I am anti over-the-top(ie. fanatical) religion in any form. This was solidified after forming a "friendship" with someone who defined themselves as "Modern Orthodox". I was more familair with crazy re-born Christian types rather than the Judaic equivelent. As the "friendship" developed, I could not believe the restrictions that must be observed in the name of God.
After getting past, what I felt were truly silly observances, I discovered the worst aspect of Orthodox Judaism was not only "cult-like"- the giving up of one's individuality- but also how this lifestyle impacts society at large.
I wondered how our country would be if EVERY racial/ethnic/religious group followed the same practices and doctrine for whatever reason.
How could that possibly be a "good" thing? Why is segregation more paltable if religion is interjected into the practice?
So, again, kudos and congratulations.
One request, consider keeping your blog active with all your new discoveries and all the positives you have encountered in your new journey. Who knows. There might be someone else out there who could gain stregnth and courage from you.
Talk about a mitzvah!
Hi... I also went to Machon Shlomo, also quite a while ago, and also have gone down in observance lately.
I can totally identify with your wife's statement "If you find the right spouse becoming frum will make your life great, if not it will ruin your life." I got married after a very short going out period and engagement. When I brought up my misgivings while there was still time, I was told, "love comes later" and "love is not important" (even though those 2 contradict each other). The marriage was hopeless from the start but I've let it go on and on, with kids of course. Now my life is very confused and messed up and I feel trapped.
Also the financial aspect with the crazy tuition prices is getting me down. Before I went to the Machon, I was making a great salary and and could have easily advanced or started my own business to the point where I would be almost ready to retire now. As it is, I/we are a financial basket case with no retirement plan whatsoever and no plan even to pay for weddings / college / yeshiva or whatever.
I often wish I could go back and change the part of my life where I became frum, or at least where I got married.
Are you open to talking to me?
"Are you open to talking to me?"
Yes, of course. I try to be helpful to anyone who earnestly reaches out to me. By stopping blogging I didn't mean to say I was becoming self-absorbed. I would just say you could email me at baaltshuvaanon@aol.com
I am not checking it all the time but once I do, I will get in touch. If I have any insight, I'll try to provide some.
You write very well and what you have to say is important and on the mark. Why are you stopping this blog?
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