Thursday, January 04, 2007

Can the Skeptical Blogs Make Marriage Matches?

I've gotten word of an idea whose time is long overdue- a Formerly Frum/Ex-BT/Or Simply Skeptical Shadchan blog- for setting up men and women with similar worldviews, don't buy frumkeit hook, line and sinker, but see the benefits in a tradition-based marriage.

UPDATE: The TopShadchan Blog Has Gone Public- Send All Inquiries Directly to Them. There is a groundswell of interest about this and I hope to hear about happy marriages down the line- but unlike your BT days, don't rush into anything. ;)

No Need to Go "All the Way" Frum
I have often said that the biggest benefit that most BT's are seeking is finding a strong, meaningful marriage. We live in a hectic, frenetic world, and Judaism and some of its more profound traditions can certainly enable a marriage to get over the rough spots in life. We don't hear about "shalom bayis" in the secular world too often, even the skeptics must admit that.

But there are SO MANY men and women who, despite the apparent benefits, just can't bring themselves to live a lie. And yes, we skeptics feel that living as if the orthodox version of things is all true is not being true to ourselves in varying degrees.

Where are the Ladies?

First of all, I am happily married with kids, as I have said before on this blog. I'm not doing this for myself but rather out of a sense of frustration at seeing the smart, thinking men and women that have written to me asking me "what's the solution if none of this religion is true?" I can't tell you how to live your life, but I can say that if you got married and were half as happy as I am, you'd be very fortunate.

There are a lot of women lurking in the shadows of skeptical blogs but they hesitate to post very often. I figure this is because of the lack of knowledge (after all, they have little exposure to talmud and halachic debate thanks to OJ's doctrine). But we all are enlightened and know that women are just as smart as men and must see the questions and flaws in being a "true believer."

A lot of women have less of a problem with yiddishkeit than men because it isn't foisted on them the way it is on men- the tziztis, the tefillin, 3x/day davening, learning (imbibing) the gemara with all of its strange philosophy and proto-scientific expressions.

The Solution

"Jews Marrying Jews- even the Skeptical ones." That's the tagline for now. I suggest that if you are interested, whether male or female, any age or location, that you 10 post a comment in support of this idea, 2) send this page to anyone who might be interested (they have to be skeptical because the match just won't really work so well- no "hook, line, and sinker" types please) and 3) you should email me the following and I'll see that it gets to The Skepto-Shadchan (TM). ;) He is not me, by the way.

In the email please include the following:

1. Gender
2. age
3. single/divorced
4. kids?
5. want kids?
6. keep kosher to any degree?
7. keep shabbos to any degree?
8. how long involved in some sort of observance?
9. how long have you been doubting "the mesora?"
10.Think the written Torah is most likely written by God?
11. Think/believe that Sinai really happened?
12. How badly do you want to get married (to the right person of course) in the next year?
13. Did you ever attend seminary/yeshiva? if so, for how long and which one?

Those answers would really speed up the process.

I promise to forward all legitimate emails to the Shadchan. This is clearly not a dating service or for hooking up like jdate. So, please respect the intentions of people involved and don't waste anyone's time. No one is asking you to marry a person you don't want to, but just that you be sure you are serious about marriage before contacting us. Any age is fine.

I can already hear the testimonials: "I was skeptical about a skeptical shadchan blog, but..."

My email is

Bilbulastia has a post on the Skepto-shadchan as well.


Blogger smoo said...

I want to thank you for such a wonderful idea. I have lamented on my blog about the conundrum I face. In the past few years I have become skeptical yet find that I must coexist within an MO community. I grew up MO and there is a comfort level regarding dating women of similar background. Heck, I still like the idea of singles Shabbatons because that was the way I met women in the past. But my I find it difficult to balance my skeptical beliefs while maintaining strong traditional ties. So once again thanks for this great service you intent to provide.

1/04/2007 11:56 PM  
Blogger smoo said...

BTW what is your email address?

1/04/2007 11:59 PM  
Blogger BTA said...

1/05/2007 4:43 AM  
Blogger BTA said...

it's not my idea by the way, but the person whose idea it is, doesn't want any credit at the moment.

1/05/2007 4:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is it only for straight people? or gay as well?

1/06/2007 6:58 PM  
Blogger BTA said...


This is going very well, we are having excellent responses from both men and women. I encourage anyone who likes the idea for themselves to email me. Thanks!

1/07/2007 6:35 PM  
Blogger onionsoupmix said...

Being married and all, I could just use a few skeptical friends in my area. Most of my acquaintances here are all "hook, line and sinker" people and recent BTs, whom I don't want to infect with my apikorsus. Do you have a "friends only " category :)

1/08/2007 8:56 PM  

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